As the calendar approaches Valentine’s Day, 068 Magazine reached out to a local expert for some relationship advice. Niro Feliciano is a psychotherapist, best-selling author, and contributor to national publications, as well as a frequent guest on the Today Show. A Ridgefield resident who has been married for 21 years and is the mother of four children, Feliciano loves sharing tips on mental health, parenting, and relationships.
Feliciano observes that healthy relationships often have some common traits. Spending time together is one facet of a good relationship. Life can get busy, especially if you have young children, but it’s important to make time for one another. “It doesn’t have to be something big, even a walk together or a trip to the store can suffice,” says Feliciano. Equally important is to surround yourself with couples you admire so they can be an inspiration and support system. “Negativity begets negativity,” she says. “Instead, try to spend time with couples in positive relationships.”
Good communication is another important aspect of a strong relationship, even though it isn’t always easy. “Sometimes you don’t say things you want to because in the past you’ve not gotten the right response from your partner, or maybe you don’t want to hurt them,” says Feliciano. Good communication also means being a good listener and really focusing on what your partner is saying. It’s essential to talk about what Feliciano calls “the elephant in the room,” i.e. the topics that always lead to conflict. Couples therapy can be beneficial if you’re beginning to see some cracks form in the relationship.
When things get rocky, and no relationship is without its trials, there are several things Feliciano recommends to help get back on track. “Identify what attracted you to your spouse in the first place and decide if those qualities are still evident; if not, what do you need to do to bring them back,” she says. Being able to apologize is key when conflict arises. “Taking the other person off the defensive by saying something like ‘I’m sorry I made you feel that way’ can help ease the tension.”
Above all, Feliciano encourages couples to stay curious. “You have to get to know your partner at different stages of life,” she says. Setting goals or planning future trips can bring back the feelings of excitement that were there at the beginning of the relationship. “Healthy relationships take work, but the time invested is worth it. Few experiences are as beautiful as a love that has grown over time and reflects the evolution of two people deeply committed to one another.”
Feliciano is the author of This Book Won’t Make You Happy: Eight Keys to Finding True Contentment. Her second book – All is Calm-ish – is scheduled to be released by the end of 2025. For more information, please visit nirofeliciano.com or follow her podcast, All Things Life with Niro Feliciano. •
